Hard Habit to Break....

Four years, two months, two weeks ago I met the man that would change me forever. He was not the first man I ever loved, nor will he be the last. We loved hard, fought even harder. Until I met him I had never loved another person so wholeheartedly and unconditionally. There were no secrets, nothing held back. There are days I miss him so much I can't breathe. I know that finally getting him out of my life was the best thing I could do for myself, but it has been a battle. I can't fix the parts of him that are broken. I can love him with all my heart, but I can never change him. And I honestly don't think he will ever change. He will be 40 in a few months. The one thing I hope for him is that he realizes there is a reason why women leave him, that he can't take people for granted in his life. He has to reconcile his issues within himself. I was his security blanket for too damn long, and I had to stop being there to pick up the pieces. So I survived, my heart a little worse for the wear. I feel more at peace than I have in a very long time. I had to put an end to him popping back up and trying to charm his way back into my life. He can't get to me anymore!!

Sad Auntie

I am still really sad that I will not get to spend a week with my kids, my kids being my neice and nephews. They get out of school ridiculously late and start summer school the Monday after they get out. My sister said I could still come for the week before they start summer school but they will be in school, and then my sister and brother in law would be there. Plus the boys still have baseball through the end of June. So why would I want to go spend a week over there and then barely get to spend any time with the kids? Sure I could have the chiweenie to sleep on me all day while the kids are in school, but it's not really worth it. I will see them Father's Day weekend. And then for a week in August before they go back to school. Hopefully. If things don't change between now and then.
On another note, my uncle's oncologist is not scheduling him for surgery until the end of June. He was diagnosed over a month ago with colon cancer. So my aunt is trying to see who can get him in and remove the tumor ASAP. Plus I also found out my cousin's wife had thyroid cancer and had her thyroid removed. But she did not have to have any chemo or radiation. So bizarre. Plus my dad will probably be having his rotator cuff surgery in July or August.
So I am in a very blah mood. Very pissy. I just want to cry. I am tired. My back hurts. Yeah. I am just not a happy camper right now. Tomorrow I am going to go shopping with my mom again. I want to go get honey at the Farmer's Market. And I need new pillows and a new mattress pad cover but I cannot find one that I like, like the one I found in SLO.
My lymph nodes on my left side in my armpit and down my side are all swollen and tender. So today had just not been a good day.

The need to write

I have been wanting to get back to writing again....so here I go! Baby steps! But at least I am going to be making an effort to get my feelings out there instead of holding them in.